i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
