Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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