Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
