i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i've created a new STD.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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