somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
