from now on my penis is your penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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