i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
