Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
