Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
