Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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