Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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