We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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