sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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