why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
