Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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