and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I smell like Dick and happiness
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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