I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
