what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
