i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
