he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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