I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
