Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
