there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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