did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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