How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
