I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
