My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
