Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
