he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
