went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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