i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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