Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
