Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
