You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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