I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
