how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
