you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
