saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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