You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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