My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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