if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
