Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
