A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
