I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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