so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
