What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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