I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
