Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
