walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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