you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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