he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
