I just pynch a tree in the face
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
