She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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