made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no you cant smoke seaweed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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