Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want to fling myself into the sun
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
