worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
