Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize