Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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