I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
