Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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