she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
