did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
