Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
