I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize