So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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