is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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