So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
