is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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