Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
