we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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