I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I could have mohawked her pubes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
