I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the day after is always just damage control
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
