I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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