I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
operation harelip BJ is a go
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
