just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
