We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
