Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
