just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
