2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
