well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
