Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
