just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
