He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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