I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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