I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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