Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
